Growth

I have so much on my mind. Anger towards a lot of things. I feel mad at people. I am not sure why I feel this specific way.

I’m traveling to parts of the world I have never been to before. I am able to do this for myself. I should be proud of me. I am. I shouldn’t be feeling anger. I should be feeling free and happy. However, I am struggling with myself. I am feeling lost.

I am having a difficult time accepting the person I am today. My perspective of life is different. Now I am unsure of what it is that makes me happy exactly. I am not sure who I am.

I know that sounds silly. I know my name. I know where I am from. I know what I am capable of. I know what I have accomplished in life. Yet, there is so much I am unsure of now. I have changed, thus, everything and everyone around me has too.

I am in an unknown territory with myself. All I can really do is go through the motions and do my best to breathe and remind myself I am okay. Nothing is wrong.

Then I think, nothing is wrong at this moment. My life can change from one day to another so I worry. Nothing in this life is certain. After my surgery, something shifted in me without me knowing. I thought this feeling was just the result of the stress, fear, pain, and the panic I was living. Now I am coming to realize that it’s not just because of that experience. Or maybe it was partially in result of it.

All I can do is breathe and continue living life until I figure myself out and feel that sense of self again. It’s time to rewrite who I am.