On Marriage.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t believe I would ever get married. Why, you may ask? Because a significant majority of men in the world seem to be selfish. They believe a woman should conform to their expectations, and that’s that. Many men think they have the right to manipulate the women who fall in love with them. And as women, we often find ourselves forgiving them repeatedly, coming up with excuse after excuse for their harmful actions. It’s ridiculous!

I have to admit, I was once that woman—the one who kept forgiving while hoping the man I fell in love with would return to who he once was. I stayed in the relationship, thinking it was just a rough patch. Then he would say, “I would never leave you. I love you too much. You’d have to be the one to walk away.” What is that?! So, I did just that because I knew I deserved so much better. I walked away and never looked back.

I never thought I would be that woman. Years before that breakup, after a long and painful relationship, I had learned that love alone isn’t enough. I told myself, “Just because you love someone and they love you doesn’t mean you should be together. A relationship is much more than just love.” Ashamed of myself, I ignored all men for three years. Then one day, a man walked into the coffee shop where I worked in Cincinnati, Ohio. Little did I know that this stranger would become my best friend within a few months. His name is Robert.

Now that I am in a loving and respectful relationship, I know I could vow to love this man through the good times and the bad, until death do us part. He has patience with me, shows his love consistently, and caters to me. He doesn’t adhere to traditional gender roles but follows the rules of his heart. Not only does he tell me he loves me, but he shows it day after day. I was raised to be tough, and I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect that. Robert handles my flaws and forgives me when I can be “too much,” as I know I can be, especially with those I love. I no longer need to keep my guard up, and that’s why I love him.

I write this to remind all women out there: do not settle for anyone who does not respect you. Before love comes respect, always.