Making it. Faking it. Being real.

Some people don’t like to hear about the pains in peoples’ lives. And some people do just to know they aren’t alone or to make themselves feel better. People want to find hope in others’ successes and accomplishments, while others feel threatened by them. Some people keep their whole lives to themselves, while others share every second.

Me, I’d say I do both. Sometimes I feel I’m making it and other times I feel like I’m faking it. There are certain pains and struggles I face day to day, that I feel guilty about because I have it made! I am doing great! I am a successful young woman who has two degrees, a stable career, and debt-free. I am independent, live in a nice high rise apartment downtown, and have a good job with great benefits. I have a loving and talented boyfriend. We have the cutest dog. There is food at home and plenty of money in the bank to get more when needed. We have it all - yet, I can’t say I am happy. I am not going to fake how I feel. I rather be real.

I’ve never been a liar and I’m not going to start now. Life isn’t everything I imagined after working so hard to get here. This is not saying I regret anything because I don’t. However, they say keep going it’ll get easier, but when? I keep going hard and it feels like I am treading water - about to drown. I find myself more and more depressed. But what’s new? Depression is normal for me. I grew up depressed and didn’t know it until my doctor told me what I am feeling isn’t normal. I find myself coming home with no energy. I can’t even say what’s up with me. Just that I am not okay. Everyone said it’ll all be worth it. Now I am here, asking myself, really Ariana? Is it worth it? I am writing all this because well I rather share and remind others that NOT everything feels as GREAT as it looks. We are just trying to get through and figure out what it is to REALLY MAKE IT in life.