Forgiveness

Recently I have been struggling to understand what it is that is making me feel so angry. This unidentified feeling hasn’t allowed me to rest well nor relax. I have been asking myself - what is wrong? What is making my chest feel so heavy? And well I think I figured it out. I have been keeping the fact that I feel hurt by someone close to me stored away. So, they have no clue because I have just stayed quiet about it.

Staying quiet is a new thing for me. I just don’t have the energy nor want to have to explain myself or defend myself to the person that should know better because they know me. Because they love me they wouldn’t hurt me,right?

Wrong. Its is the individuals that you love that always end up being the people that hurt you the most. This isn’t news to me. I know once they know you love them for some reason they find ways to take advantage of that. And yes, it’s okay to take some advantage but when it’s all one doing the taking - it’s not okay. But still I am doing my best to forgive.

I can feel the tension building up and you know what? It’s not worth it. I don’t want to carry anger in my heart nor mind. I can’t live that way. No one should. Whomever it is that has done me wrong, I forgive them, I forgive myself for trusting them, and not knowing better. But who knows better until shit happens, right?

Point is, people can love you and still hurt you. Sometimes they don’t even realize they have until you make them aware of it. So I must forgive and let go of the hurt that I have been carrying around. Not just for their sake but for mine.