Trauma
Last night I had a breakdown that caused me to feel like I rather be dead. I haven’t had that feeling in over a year now. The pain that travels through my body mind and heart becomes unbearable at times.
The moment I open up, I feel a bit better than after I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I’m not sure why that overwhelming sink into my mind and body.
It’s difficult to open up and talk about pain. Write it and share it because I know I cannot be the only one going through the same thing. Personal experience feeling alone and not having anyone to share your struggles with is one of the worst feelings ever. Being the youngest of six, my life has been pretty lonely. The age gaps and the parent separation when I was about five years old made it that way.
That is how I became suicidal in my late teens early 20s. I leave told my family because we are Mexican. Meaning we have to suck it up our feelings and continue living. I know I looked happy in the outside, but in the inside, I thought it would be easier to not feel anything anymore. I assume that was normal. For most of my life I had those thoughts, but not until I was living on my own. I felt it all heavier on my chest.
Now being that I’m in my late 20s I think myself for not letting those bad thoughts take my life. Pain is temporary. It’s been up to me to make life better for myself. What I do now brings me more happiness and joy than what I was doing then.
It comes to show when one isn’t aligning with one’s true self life is miserable. The answer is never suicide. The answer is to love your life by doing the things you love more often.
Last night, I experienced a breakdown that left me feeling like I’d rather be dead—a feeling I haven't had in over a year. The pain that travels through my body, mind, and heart can become unbearable at times.
When I open up about these feelings, there's a brief moment of relief, but afterward, I’m overwhelmed by embarrassment and shame. I'm not entirely sure why those feelings flood my mind and body.
It's incredibly difficult to open up and talk about pain, to write it down, and share it with others. But I know I’m not the only one going through this. Feeling alone, with no one to share your struggles with, is one of the worst feelings.
That loneliness is what led me to become suicidal in my late teens and early 20s. On the outside, I might have looked fine, but inside, I thought it would be easier not to feel anything at all. For most of my life, I had those thoughts, but when I started living on my own, the pain felt unbearable.
Now, in my late 20s, I’m grateful that I didn’t let those dark thoughts take my life. Everything is temporary, including pain, and I’ve know that it’s always up to me to create a better life for myself. What I do now brings me more happiness and joy than I ever felt back then.
This experience has taught me that when we’re not living in alignment with our true selves, life can feel miserable. But the answer is never suicide. The answer is to love your life by doing more of what you love. The answer is to fill your life with the things, people, and places that bring you joy. And if you don’t have them, create them. Trust me, you can.
