Health journey

This gut health journey hasn’t been easy. I have been working with my doctors to figure it all out, and it's been pretty frustrating, to say the least. None of it has been cheap!

I've been full of emotions that I can’t even explain or understand myself. This is why I haven’t been able to bring myself to write. I’ve been overwhelmed physically and mentally. What keeps me calm is my faith. My faith in the process and this journey. However, out of nowhere, I feel anger and then extreme sadness. I know I’m doing my best. I know I’m okay, even though I don’t feel okay a lot of the time.

I’m going through the motions. I set my weekly and daily to-dos, then do my best to get them done. I also do my best not to beat myself up for not feeling great. That being said, I have also been doing emotional releases.

If you don’t know what that is, let me explain. Our bodies tend to hold onto emotions like fear, stress, anger, and sadness. These emotions could be why my knee hurts or why my arm is in pain and goes numb at times.

Through emotional releases, a doctor figures out what issue is attached to the pain one is feeling and then helps release it. A lot of the time, I end up in tears unknowingly. It’s like your body gets this rush of emotions, and it can't hold onto them anymore, so tears end up falling down your cheeks.

At my appointment today, I came in feeling exhausted and mad. It turns out it had to do with the fact that, at four years old, I was left by my family. Specifically, my parents split up, and my siblings were old enough to either move out or decide to live with our father. That made me resentful. Because of it, I cannot trust anyone to stay in my life.

Another issue that came up was the fact that I’m always doing what is good for my body, yet my body isn’t reacting the way I expect it to. Still! While doing all this doctoring, it feels like my body is betraying me.

Then I think, maybe this whole time I’ve been betraying it. Drowning it unknowingly. I no longer get to enjoy much of the foods I eat, even when they are considered “healthy and nutritious.”

I don’t know what it is. Changing one’s DNA and undoing the damage of stressing the body and mind for years, regardless of having thought I ate well and exercised almost daily, wasn’t good enough. My body wasn’t happy. Well, I’d be lying if I said I was happy overall. The whole time, I’d say I was working hard in order to one day find myself happy.

I think that’s all I have to write about my health journey so far. I haven’t actually written about my parasite cleanse—which is going well, by the way. That will be my next blog for sure. Stay tuned.