Fear.

For as long as I can remember, I have been living in fear. Everyday I wake up feeling it weigh on my shoulders. That knot in my throat makes it hard to breathe sometimes. But what else can I do but just suck it up and keep going, just like I have always done. I put a smile on my face and say, “good morning”. It becomes a habit to act like I am okay. To remind myself, I am safe, I am okay. I am very blessed and I start to focus on the many reasons why.

However, the day comes to an end and I start to feel it again. Sometimes all I can think about is riding beside a dozen beautiful horses. To be as free as a wild horse running through an open field. To feel the fresh air on my face and flowing through my hair. But somehow there doesn’t seem to be another way to make life happen unless I work harder. The fear that something will go wrong. That everything I have worked so hard for will mean nothing. Fear begins to consume me.

I have gotten this far in life and although I can agree fear has helped me push myself; I don’t think I should live my life in fear any longer. The pressure doesn’t let me breathe and how can anyone say they are really living if they can’t breathe?