Starting New
Starting a new path can be daunting, especially when the one you were on just wasn't working out. It wasn't that my career was failing; it just wasn't right for me. My anxiety was always high. Sure, the stability was great, but I found myself questioning everything, including who I was. Rebuilding and recreating my true self without the labels has been challenging.
Throughout my life, labels were everything. "Be a doctor, surgeon, engineer, scientist, dancer, singer, artist," they said. I always knew I could be anything I wanted to be, but I didn't realize the sacrifices it would take. I thought making money and having financial security would bring happiness. But no one told me about the costs: the loss of time, hobbies, creativity, and the will to do anything. I became a responsible adult, constantly working and unable to escape the stress.
I've felt lost for a while now, especially after I came close to death. I blame my appendicitis on stress due to work. The physical and mental toll following the emergency surgery had me in panic. To top it all off, my doctors’ discovered a virus. I couldn’t go on neglecting my health, while doing something my heart was no longer in. Overall, this break has been much needed even though it doesn’t feel like much of a break at all. Trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and how to help my body fight it all has been exhausting.
It would have been great if the career I had chosen and worked so hard for had been the right fit. Unfortunately, it wasn't. I hope this isn't the case for everyone. I truly believe there is a right career for everyone. But for me, I refuse to live under the constant pressure of being someone I'm not.
At this moment, I have to believe that what I've done so far has served its purpose. I have faith that what comes next will bring more purpose and direction, leading me toward healing. Through my healing process, I hope to cultivate the ability to help heal others as well.
I'm coming to realize that being lost isn't such a bad thing. Eventually, you will be found, or life will find you and guide you to where you truly belong.
