Love
The more I age, the more I realize love is a complicated thing. I’m talking about that love solely meant for a partner. I have been heartbroken in all my past relationships for they were all serious and I did love them. Yet, I was the one to walk away from each of them. I walked away because I knew I deserved better. I walked away because I had faith the type of friendship and love I desire for myself MUST be out there. I just couldn’t find it in any of them. It’s not their fault nor mine. That’s just how life goes. That is also why it’s called dating. Most of my relationships have passed two years when we truly started to learn of each other’s true self, which obviously includes our flaws and weaknesses. It gets tough. It’s at that point we have to decide. Are we good for one another? Could we love each other through the good and bad? Could this be forever?
I have to admit, I can get cold once someone shows me who they can really be. I know we all have our flaws. Trust me, I know I am far from perfect. Yet, I have high standards and I’m very strong so I know how to stand up for myself. Once I am being disrespected physically or verbally, my trust is broken and I just can’t let that go.
For my entire life, what I have known to do is to be strong. Maybe I’m too strong and stubborn, I can’t blame myself for it. I have been through too much. I know if I wasn’t strong I would possibly have ended up with partners that would truly hurt me. I wouldn’t have no a say in my own life. I would have ended up thinking that is love.
Coming from a big family does teach you a lot. Unfortunately and fortunately, I grew up seeing what love shouldn’t and should be. I’ve learned through experience — even if one may love someone it doesn’t mean they should be together. I have to believe the person that loves me for me is out there. If not, I might be better off alone. Not everyone can handle someone like me. I get it. I trust life will bring those people that appreciate me for me. I am not for everyone and I would never want to be.
